I Want Candy!

Maggie has been requesting lunch from home this week basically because I am allowing her to take one piece of her Halloween candy in her lunchbox. Oh, Halloween! How you make me think about my mothering skills and the messages I send to my kids! Do I ration their candy? That makes them sneak it, and then I find candy wrappers under their beds. Do I let them gorge themselves for one night in the hopes that they'll feel like they had one decadent night of bacchanalian bliss and then ration? Do I sneak the trashy, chewy, purple and green taffy stuff into the garbage and hope they won't notice? But, I digress.

Back to candy in the lunchbox: Will allowing her to take a piece of Halloween candy in her lunchbox encourage her to choose lunch from home over lunch at school? What will happen when the Halloween candy runs out? Can I get her into the habit of requesting lunches from home so that when the candy's gone, she'll still want to eat lunches from home? Is that insane to even envision? Am I misusing the candy as a reward? Am I over-thinking the whole matter? (The link here is to another post from the Raising Healthy Eaters blog. I love, love, love that blog!)

On Halloween, I let them have a few pieces and since then I've been letting them choose one piece a day. As their mom, I'm comfortable with that. But, I want to use the rest of this post to talk more about other people using candy as a reward for my kids - specifically about other people at school using candy as rewards.

Last year, Maggie's kindergarten teacher used candy as a reward. I'm not talking about a lofty reward. You didn't have to solve complicated math problems or read books or paint pretty pictures to get candy. Basically, you had to get through the day without kicking anyone, screaming, or otherwise annoying the teacher.

At the first parent-teacher conference of the year, I asked the teacher, "Maggie's been coming home from school with candy every day, and she says it's from you. Is that true?"

Teacher: "I believe in positive reinforcement, and we have a system of rewards here."

Me: "I believe in positive reinforcement, too. I usually give her a pat on the back or a high five or a hug when she does something great. Her dance teacher uses a stamp pad and stamps her hand. Those work fabulously. So anyway, she's getting candy from you every day?"

Teacher: "Yes. I give the children a choice. They can choose candy or they can choose from the treat basket."

Me: "What's in the treat basket?"

Teacher: "Bookmarks and stuff. I can steer Maggie toward the treat basket if that's what you prefer."

Me: "Yes, I'd like it if you would do that."

A few weeks passed. Maggie came home with pencils, bookmarks, even (ironically) a toothbrush from the treat basket. But..... (this is Maggie talking): "Everyone else gets to have candy, and I have to choose from the other basket. It's not fair." Of course, she was six, and already her mother was ruining her school life.

In the interim, I had to interview the nutrition services director for the school district. She went over all the guidelines about the National School Lunch Program and how her people worked to stay within federal guidelines. I was impressed (previously mentioned French toast sticks notwithstanding). I asked her, "With all of the things you need to do to serve kids healthy meals, how do you feel about teachers giving candy to the kids in the classroom as rewards?" She was stunned that it was allowed to happen. I felt a little bit validated in my concern.

A few months went by and Maggie made no mention of classroom candy. Then, one day, she came to me and confessed, "I've been eating candy from class. Miss K has been letting me get it again."

Deep breath.

I went over Miss K's head and emailed the school nurse - very nicely and deferentially to inquire about whether this was an accepted school practice or if, perhaps, this teacher was acting alone. The nurse told the principal, the principal told Miss K to stop giving out candy every day. And, depending on whose perspective you're considering one of the following two things happened:

• I won the battle! Yay!
  
• I ruined things for Maggie's entire class! Boo!

Today, while looking for other things, I came upon this short paper by an RD at the University of California, Berkeley which is about exactly this topic! I wanted to share it because it is clear and concise, and says exactly what I wanted to say last year to Miss K. I may still send it to the principal because it's just perfect.

What happens in other schools? What is your perspective on the topic. And, what about the whole idea of cupcakes for kids' birthdays and every holiday and every activity? With 23 kids in Maggie's class and teacher's birthdays, special occasions - this week it's the "harvest party" - Maggie gets a baked treat at least once a week at school. Is that okay? I'm really super curious.